What Not To Do At Hogwarts
by Princessofthebooks
Summary: A story to go with those lists you see. My o.c. Because what character would do these? Don't answer that. It's rated t because of swear words. Um. It's better than the summery. I pinkie swear.


What not to do at Hogwarts, chapter 1.

THIS IS BASED OFF THOSE LISTS YOU SEE. I DECIDED TO CREATE A STORY FOR THEM. I KNOW IT'S NOT THE FIRST, BUT GIVE IT A GO. THEY ARE KINDOF SHORT 4-5 SHOT CHAPTERS.

Elizabeth Lorem here. 7th year (well, now i am) Ravenclaw head girl. I'm still not sure how that happened, seeing as I've been in detention every other day. I'm best friends with Fred and George Weasley and I'm a half-blood. So, ickle firstie, this is my list of things NOT to do at Hogwarts. They will result in my coming to kick your ass. (And possibly detention)

**_1) The Giant Squid is not an appropriate date to the Yule Ball._**

"I don't have a date to the Yule ball." I complained to Fred and George. We were sitting by the lake, tossing rocks in and summoning them out. I didn't want to be too obvious to George that I liked him, but honestly.

"So ask the squid. He already loves you." Fred responded.

Smart ass. See, when I was a first year, there was a storm, and I fell off the boat. The giant squid put me on George's lap. It was awkward. Then, in fifth year, the twins and I snuck into the boats to terrify the first years. We thought it was hilarious. But Fred was shaking the boat back and forth, and I fell off. Again. And this time, instead of putting me back on the boat, the squid swam me to shore. This led the twins to create a joke about how the squid 'loved me'. Ha ha.

I threw my rock at him. "Not funny."

George laughed. "You wouldn't do it, anyways."

I started thinking about it though, in the back of my mind. Just to see their reactions. And when I learned the enlargement spell and found a fish tank, I decided the universe wanted me to go with the giant squid. And so, on the day of the ball, I walked down to the lake.

"Here, squidy, squidy, squidy. Come here." I coaxed.

The water bubbled and a squid tentacle popped up. Wow. Maybe he does love me.

"Now go in the fish tank." I told him.

He didn't.

"Oh, right." I said. I enlarged the fish tank like 8 times.

"Now get in the fish tank." I ordered.

Nothing happened.

I pulled out my wand, saying something along the lines of "Get in the damn fish tank" and to my surprise, an oversized squid was now in the fish tank.

"Good job, Liz." I congratulated myself.

I levitated the tank and walked back to the castle.

"What. Liz. Why?" Fred and George were staring at me. Or, more specifically, my date.

"Isn't he the cutest?" I grinned at them.

"You're going to have difficulty dancing." George said.

I laughed. "I don't dance anyway."

Fred shook his head. "Whatever. I have to meet Angelina."

"What? As in Angelina Johnson? I had no idea you were taking her to the ball."

George grinned at Fred. "It's not like you were non stop with the ' Will Angelina like this? Do you think I should buy her this?"

I joined him. "What's Angelina's favorite color? Does she talk about me? Do girls like this?"

George and I cracked up. Fred was blushing, telling us to shut up.

"Ah, well." I sighed. "Go meet your dates." I told them.

Fred left, but George stayed.

"You should go too!" I said.

"Um..my dates in the bathroom and-"

I cut him off. "You don't have a date, do you?"

"No." He admitted.

"Well, then. You can't stay here! Heard of a third wheel?"

He raised an eyebrow at me.

"Fine." I gave in, and we walked to the ballroom.

"What is that?" McGonagall's eyes were practically popping out of her head, and George was silently laughing.

"That," I replied, putting as much indignation in the words as I could. "Is my date."

McGonagall stared me down. "You should know three things, Elizabeth."

"It's Liz." I interrupted.

She continued. "One, DETENTION. Two, put that thing back in the lake. Three, you realize the giant squid is a girl, correct?"

George started laughing so hard, you people probably heard it. I stared at the squid.

"You stupid, stupid, squid. Leading me on like that. Jerk." I told it.

George was calming down enough to ask if I wanted help bringing it back.

Dumbledore chose this moment to walk up to us. "I assume this is your doing, Mrs. Lorem."

I sighed. "Yes. I'll bring him back, Sir."

"You do that. Help her, Mr. Weasley."

George agreed to. We walked down to the lake, and dropped in the squid. And you know what that squid did? He dragged George and I into the lake for ten seconds and threw us out. So, remember this. GIANT SQUIDS ARE VENGEFUL CREATURES.

That's a useful moral.

THERE YOU GO. TELL ME WHAT YOU THINK, WHAT YOUR FAVORITE ICE CREAM FLAVOR IS, AND TELL ME IF YOU WANT MORE CHARACTERS TO TELL THE STORIES. NOW REVEIW.

LOVE,

KAYLA


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